Ratchet Restrooms On Campus

By Alvin Fernando | Design Editor

We’ve all had our fair share of experience with bathrooms. Some of those experiences are more pleasant than others. Nothing rocks your day off the rails like dropping the kids off at the pool in a less than desirable environment. Here are a couple of bathrooms on campus that could use some improvement or less traffic.

Student Activity Center, Community Bathroom: Here you have what seems to be a solid option… until further examination. You’re practically next to the sand volleyball courts, which means you’re an excruciating walk away from any other feasible options; #firstworldprobs. The type of crowd that utilizes the bathrooms in the SAC are athletes or already sweaty freshman playing quasi-sweaty bar sports in the Recreation and Entertainment Center. Ding ding ding! There’s your first problem right there. Everyone is sweaty in the SAC and can’t help it. Now imagine all of those people using toilets. The result oozes chaos. 

I’m not sure what kind of treatment the toilets received in their past lives, but the porcelain spirits seem angry. Just when you think you’ve gotten into the groove of your routine, the squirrely flush sensors start firing off and you’re stuck enduring semi-automatic splashes on your undercarriage. To top it all off, everyone can hear your squeamish grunts from the vents leading to the foyer. 

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Campus Center 1st floor: Where do I even begin? You couldn’t hire enough people to handle the lunchtime traffic on Mondays and Wednesdays. The floors are discarded with squares of toilet paper and the ivory thrones are sprinkled with the remnants of previous users. I remember when the new Dyson hand-dryers were put in and everyone felt like we had finally arrived as a campus. That era has passed and now a plethora of options for solid bathrooms has grown to the point that this dumping ground is on the naughty list! 

Library Bathroom: This bathroom gives me a headache just thinking about it. It isn’t that it’s the worst bathroom on campus; we’ll just say it’s seasonally challenged. When finals week is near and approaching, the fecal phantoms of the Brunswick campus collectively gather to throw a party in the interior of this room, leaving a trail of torn up toilet paper and drained soap dispensers. Dial Gold cascades down the wall in a sad attempt at Jackson Pollack ala Eeyore.  The popularity of the big stall during finals week seems as though you’re waiting in queue at Six Flags for the Batman ride. The sink’s faucets have sensors on them, which aren’t a problem until they gradually die off because you’ve apparently washed your hands for too long. This fun experience forces you to switch sinks with residual soap on your hands. 

When finals week isn’t enough stress on you, try going during the middle of the semester. Decompressing and phone surfing for an assumed relaxing experience turns into an irritating and eerie scene when this bathroom’s lights shut off due to inactivity. No amount of clapping, flailing your arms about, nor shouting can guarantee the reactivating of the lights.  This waddling walk of shame morphs into an air traffic controller dance that leaves you humiliated as someone walks in.