1) You wear your Coastal lanyard that you were given in orientation... Like if you were to remove it your head would fall off. Sure it was free, but that doesn’t mean it should be attached to you 24/7. Yes, it has important goodies in it; let’s just hope you are taking it off to shower.
2) You still think Yik Yak is completely anonymous and post like it’s a game of never have I ever. We’ve been keeping tabs on the new users to our herd and we’re not impressed. Note: Yik Yak is not an Ashley Madison forum. Let’s go for humor over trying feed your baser instincts.
3) You arrive to class fifteen minutes early. You hover before class, you’re a lingerer after. Be on time, but don’t be THAT person.
4) You actually bought all of your books, even the suggested reading. Here’s a syllabus translation guide: required = maybe; suggested = read the Amazon buyer reviews or Cliff’s Notes.
5) You signed up for multiple 8 a.m. classes. Right, right, it wasn’t your fault. It was the schedule you were given at orientation. But you’re regretting those early morning roll calls after those late college nights.
6) You're on the email list for fifteen clubs. We KNOW you’re excited, but it’s physically impossible to be in that many student organizations. Do not attempt.
7) You still think being funny in class is appreciated. The main goal of every real college student is to expedite the process of getting in and out of class without getting called on. Don’t mess it up for everyone else. P.S. Don’t be the student that reminds the professor about unassigned work. No one will save you from their wrath.
8) You overpack... And you carry every single book for every single class with you, everywhere you go, despite living on campus. You are freaking out becasue you don’t have a locker. You will be fine with one solitary notebook. Keep it simple, trust us.
9) You speak above the professor while they are lecturing. No, we didn’t dish out thousands of dollars to come hear you speak during class. It’s not funny, interesting, or cute. Do us all a favor, including yourself, and zip it. Please and thank you. P.S. Professors take your classroom back. Tangents can be frivolous and distracting.